Is It Worth It?
We’re here! As Matt and I close our time sitting in a bumpy Penske, traveling over 1,000 miles in two 14 hour days, God is beginning a work in me. I know I should be excited. Filled with anticipation. Yet, as we plod through the remaining 30 miles, it hit me. This move is no longer surreal, but real. I’m not feeling so happy about the giant leap across the country from my quaint perfect home in “utopia” (Richardson, TX) to an urban unknown (Silver Spring MD). Didn’t I know that is what my family and I signed up for? Haven’t we been planning and praying and meeting and planning and strategizing and praying over and over and over for months about this?
It’s sinking in now. As we sit, being tossed about by bumpy roads, tears fell, again. So many questions. What am I doing? I am not equipped for this. This is not the easy life I could’ve had. My kids won’t find friends here, no. No families live here, not one, I only imagine young professionals. Where is the grocery store? All my doubts and idols begin to surface. I realize more how I am prone to worship my comfort and convenienc rather than Christ. Matt leans over to grab my hand as a tear falls from his chin too. He doubts. He struggles as he sees me struggle. Did I make the wrong decision for my wife and kids? How will we make it here, it’s so dang expensive. Maybe she won’t connect with anyone.
We pause in quiet, remembering. God has been so faithful. He has abundantly provided for every step of our journey. He will continue to carry us. We offer him praises through prayer. We are so thankful and He is so good. He is our shepherd and we have followed Him here. He is asking if it’s worth it, and if we will follow the last 30 miles. I hesitate and then look up at Matt, yes, tonight we will go on. But I am still fearful, hoping I’ll keep following tomorrow.
The next few weeks may get harder, my doubts will probably resurface. Please pray for us! Pray that Jesus’ words will sink in: And He said to them, “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who will not receive many times more in this time and in the age to come eternal life.” Lk18.29-30